Ya Say Ya Want A Resolution…

Now I’ve never been the type to do resolutions, because like most people I never seem to stick to them. But this year is different. For the last few months, I’ve been detailing through the typed word my journey… as I’ve moved along this journey, I’ve come to make some fairly major realizations.  With the turning of the calendar to 2009, there’s no better time to start making those realizations known, to give myself a sense of accountability. So without further babble, here they are:

1. I resolve to put ‘our’ priorities above ‘my’ priorities. One of the things that L has mentioned numerous times in our conversations prior to starting counseling, I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things that benefit ‘me’ rather than the things that benefit ‘us’. Now that I’ve realized my tendency to do that, I need to make a change.

2. I resolve to do my share to be the best husband I can. I’ve silently made this resolution to myself over the last year or so. As L has gone through the first 2 semesters in her nursing program, it’s become more and more apparent to me just how much she’s able to do to be productive while maintaining her grades. While at the same time she’s driving herself crazy trying to maintain her school and the house, I’m cruising along, doing what I want to do when I want to do it. This isn’t fair. I’m putting it down ‘on paper’ that I’m committing to making our marriage the best it can be. Whether it’s cleaning the house or doing the dishes BEFORE I do my workout, or doing my share of the cooking, which will require a graduation from mac n cheese to something a bit more substantial, rather than waiting for L to have an idea of what’s for dinner.

3. I resolve to let L in to all aspects of my life. This is related to #2 of course, but a big part of my focus for the upcoming year is going to be on the two of us. There have been aspects of my life (for example as I’m writing this, I’m fairly certain she doesn’t even know this site exists) that I’ve kept from her; not because I don’t want her to be involved, but more because I’m afraid that she may not react positively to them. I believe this may be part of what has caused some damage to our marriage. Part of the increase in communication for which we’re going to the counselor shall be to let her in.

4. I resolve to end 2009 under 200 lbs. Part of my renewed commitment to myself in 2008, and one of the big reasons I started this blog, was my journey to lose weight. I’m proud to have lost the 50+ lbs that I have since June, and don’t want all that work to go to waste for a second time. When I was working out with Ryan the first time, I ended that stint just under 200 lbs. At the time of this writing I’m about 18 or so lbs away from that magic number, and now that the holidays are over I am committing myself to getting back on track and get my weight moving back in the right direction. Hopefully as things begin to settle down for L at least a little bit, I’ll be able to get her to join me, as the stress of her program has had a negative impact on her physically as well. I think the better I do at taking responsibility for my half of the home responsibilities, the easier it will be for L to join me on my journey.

Of course, there are other things of less significance to which I resolve, like cutting down my ‘dependence’ on caffeine, reducing my junk food intake in favor of healthier options, and trading tv time for more productive things, but I don’t think those deserve specific mention here. 2009 is destined to be a turnaround year for me, a year when I can finally show L how truly special is to me, and a year in which I can clear out some of the things and people that have a negative influence on me in favor of those which affect me positively.

~ by fatboyrunning on January 4, 2009.